Line up the shots!

So, I felt so horrible for leaving my dog at home all day. He decided to chew up the buckle on his collar, so it took me an extra half an hour to stop and get another one so we could go on our daily walk. The dismal pleas of my otherwise lively and ferocious little bundle of poop are all I hear when I pull up to my house.

Of course, like any good mom, I run to the door grab his collar and rush out the door while apologizing for being exceedingly late coming home. Biggs and I are walking, we're walking and he takes a little mini-poop. I was thinking to myself dag, I left you in the house that long and this is it, but whatever we continue our walk.

Once we come inside, I fix his food and begin to eat my dinner. But, noooooo he doesn't want the good ole Purina puppy chow that is reserved exclusively for him. Like any greedy, B.A.D. he wants whatever I'm eating.

I flip on the tube and chow down on my leftovers from La Fiesta the previous night. No sooner than the first piece of shrimp hits my fork do I hear a loud clanging upstairs. I slam my food down and begin to run upstairs. I hit the top of the steps and am smacked back down by a wall of fetid feces ( a big pile of s&$t). I mean he just totally disrespected me like I didn't even walk him.

But the fun doesn't even stop there folks. So after I clean up the stinky pile of poop. I put the pet gate back up, as well as anything tempting to Biggs' tummy. Well, at least anything I thought he would find tempting.

I quickly walk to the mailbox to check my mail. When I return to the house, the dog immediately walks the opposite direction of my. And anyone who has children or pets knows exactly what that means. He was doing something he had no business doing. I check to see what's missing. Bread...check, butter...check, jelly...check. Now I am puzzled, so I walk towards the direction he came from, and found my bottle of Bacardi Superior and a puddle of rum on the floor, from which my dog was partaking.

Now what in the world...this fool has lost his dang blasted mind. I am wondering if I should take him to the vet, but he's sustained much worst so far. We'll just wait it out. If anything, maybe I'll get a good night's rest.